Ahhhh! Oh. Excuse me. Pardon the involuntary airy expulsion.
How come bipedal mortals (humans) scream when they’re scared? Have you noticed that? Perhaps you’ve been the victim of an involuntary airy expulsion. What caused it? One of them eight-legged atrocities? A scary movie that most likely simulated the demise of a stupid drunk frat boy? One second he’s lapping down a beer, hahaha, and then…CRUNCH! He’s dead.
And you scream.
Or perhaps you’re one of those lucky individuals who experiences an involuntary expulsion from their ass.
Screaming doesn’t seem so bad now, does it?
All kidding aside, screaming is a beyond stupid evolutionary defense mechanism. Kind of. Yeah. Sure. Screaming has its perks. If a hyena is biting your face off, then screaming will alert everyone within earshot to run away and save their own face.
But…
Screaming also shines a big ol’ spotlight on the individual doing the screaming, which may seem like that’s the point of…ummm…screaming. However…
This hypothetical hyena has pals. And they’re also very hungry. They also can’t see well in the dark, but they sure as shit can hear someone expelling sound-waves out of their mouth. And that’s not good for preserving one’s skin. Or face. Or legs. Or arms. Or stomach. Or bones. Or soul. Hyena eat everything.
Even when nobody is around—people still scream when they’re surprised by a broken ankle or leg. Falling from fatal heights, usually squeezes a scream out of someone, as if Superman himself is going to swoop down from the wild blue yonder and snatch them away from the grasp of death. Screaming worked for a descending Lois Lane, but it won’t cushion the fall of a 3-D mortal.
Hearing a person’s scream is like being raped by their demise.
The forceful cacophonous penetration twists and turns your guts. You may not be able to see who’s being devoured by the hyena, but you’ll be able to feel every bite—the screams awaken a primitive pain.
After all: everyone is on the menu.
Saber tooth tigers chowed down on our ancestors. And who knows what chowed down on our ancestors’ ancestors. Obviously something very hungry, because somewhere deep inside of us all, we’re still scared.
Speaking of deep inside, screaming can also be induced between the sheets.
Unexpected joyous occasions, or happy surprises (or endings…depending on the situation), may invoke an involuntary airy expulsion. There’s a fine purple velvet line between pain and pleasure, yet the audible expressions are often indistinguishable.
Screams of horror and screams of pleasure produce similar symptoms: moaning, groaning, begging…
So…
Is a hyena really doing the eating? Or is it something else? I’ll let you decide.
SlasherMonster Magazine 
Screamers in movies literally piss me off. They are just wasting time and energy expressing their fear when it seemingly has no logical purpose. Dramatic effect I suppose.
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Good Point! Well…I suppose screaming provides more amusement for the audience! Or more annoyance.
–FlyTrapMan–
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Nice! Yeah, it is kind of funny how screaming (more so nowadays) is usually kind of useless in most situations. In horror movies, it is almost always done by someone who should be spending more time keeping quiet instead of drawing attention to themselves.
In life, you would think it would help if a crime was happening but in today’s society all it is likely to do is be ignored or have a bunch of onlookers who should at least be trying to help you, just stare at you and pull out their cell phones so they can put it on YouTube or something much darker depending on how it ends.
I’ve been in a situation where I came face to face with a home invader and guess what, all my lovely neighbors just ignored the fact this soul kicked in my door and was breaking into my place. It is the nature of people (most people) these days.
Great post.
Cheers! ^_^
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I’m not which is more scary: confronting an unknown home invader, or people’s unwillingness to help. The Bystander effect tends to be more popular these days, however — it doesn’t really apply to your situation (unless there was other people around the vicinity).
Thanks for sharing your experience!
–FlyTrapMan–
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I live in an apartment complex. I have neighbors, most of which refused to help. The ones who did, it took some coercing to get them to open their door at all. At that point everything was already over and the police came literally seconds later.
I don’t trust my neighbors, but in that situation I had to get my family somewhere, even temporarily, to a sort of safety. Facing an unknown home invader who wakes you up at almost 2:30 in the morning kicking in your door, is much scarier in my opinion than the bystander effect. It was likely made scarier because we live in an upstairs apartment so the only feasible way out, without jumping out of a window is through the very door that the invader came through.
It traumatized me for a long while and still does in some ways. The best part, the law deems the soul is too drunk to know what they are doing and so they get off with a slap on the wrist and are released the next morning, when they are more sober.
Sorry for the length of the post, I’m done venting. Promise! ^_^
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I suppose I agree — in situations like you described — it’s more freighting to live through a violent event. The bystander effect is also rather disheartening. A crowd of people watching someone become a victim seems to be a special kind of horror.
Pitiful consequences for violent crimes is also horrific. Perhaps you should have poked the thief with something long and pointy! That’s a lesson someone will never forget.
Thanks for sharing your story and experience! You proved that horror can happen at any moment.
–FlyTrapMan–
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Thank you for hearing me out. I am sorry I posted so lengthily. In that situation it is scarier but I def see how it is super disheartening and also terrifying in many ways to witness the bystander effect. It is honestly way too common.
Thank you for your time. Perhaps I should have gotten my point across in a different way but I have a feeling the soul won’t be coming back.
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No problem! I’m sure everyone will appreciate reading about your experience.
–FlyTrapMan–
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I think we learned that from horror movies. AHHHHHHHH
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Ahem…AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
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Oh, you’re good
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Great post, D.D. I have been looking for my horrific photobooth photo scan and cannot locate it. Will keep searching.
Re your intro to this post, do you know the term Tellurian? It has a horror scientific feel to it. “Take me to your leader, you Tellurian scum.” Wish it was used more frequently. You could start a horror trend. Please do.
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Thanks for reading!
I never heard of that term, but I added it to my lexicon!
Martians, Lunarians, Venusians, Tellurians…I wonder what else is out there?
–FlyTrapMan–
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Indeed. What IS out there? 😀
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I liked how you pushed the boundaries in your writing without going overboard. It was fun when you got a bit risque — something you don’t do very often, so that was different to read from you. Cool post!
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Thanks for reading! I promise to go overboard next time \”/
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Perhaps packing a big roll of duct tape might help to squelch the sound of screaming by taping your ears shut, or mouth, depending on who is doing the screaming. However, I will be the first to admit that I scream at the slightest sound or mistaken peripheral image. You know the old lint that you think is a spider, so you scream and wake the real monsters. Now, take that to your crypt! Mwahahaha
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Ha — I know exactly what you mean! I think everything is a spider — including old lint. I also scream like a girl, but don’t tell anyone.
–FlyTrapMan–
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Consider my lips stitched like Frankenstein’s britches (without the “r”).
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I’ve heard that in a situation where one is attacked by a would-be rapist or mugger to scream to draw other’s attention, and since the attacker doesn’t want to be noticed, they will run. Maybe they used to, back in the days when people would actually come to one’s aid. Most people aren’t going to help…just whip out their cellphone and record. Best to conserve the energy one would use screaming to fight like hell.
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Fighting like hell is the way to go!
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Yep… 🙂
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Depends on the context of the situation, but generally speaking, the more people that witness a crime — the less likely someone will help. I think people assume someone else will step in and do the job. The bystander effect becomes more severe when large groups of people are involved. Due to cellphones and other reasons — you’re right — people these days would be more interested in passively recording a violent crime.
–FlyTrapMan–
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A good loud fuvk to me has its benefits
A good frat has its place
Anything expressive can only add to experience
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Haha — screaming is such a turn on! Wait…did I just say that? Shit.
–FlyTrapMan–
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A good scream now and then is good
Just as a good laugh
I mean between the sheets has its place also
I myself like a good scare once in a while
Keeps your juices flowing
Makes you change your shorts
Another form of expression can change you perspective on the world
The Provoker
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We all need a reason to change our shorts!
–FlyTrapMan–
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