How to Survive Christmas With Your Soul Intact

  Have you been naughty or nice this year? Your life may depend on it! Most sane people think Christmas is about elven exploitation or exchanging wrapped pairs of socks. There’s an unknown place where holiday lights don’t glow—the dark side of Christmas. Stories, myths and ancient legends used to be shared during the holiday

Ivor Steven: Ripe Tomatoes and a Garden Spade

      Ripe Tomatoes and a Garden Spade   Only another week to go I’ll be on the cruise I’m not feeling nervous More that I’m fearful Scared my plan might go amiss Before the high seas deliver bliss   Taking two suitcases is normal Other passengers may have three I won’t look suspicious

Hark, The Snake Oil Angels Sing!

Hark, the snake oil angels sing! Russia’s tsar rides on our king.   Bullshit here and beefcake there – bovine voters everywhere.   Joyful greedheads make stocks rise  – Rust Belt workers fall for lies.   Hark, the snake oil angels sing! Russia’s tsar rides on our king. Illustrations by Poet Rummager Poem written by

Carver Contest 2016: King Barabash

  Alright, you ghosts, ghouls and goblins! Step right up to the stage, but please…keep your guts to yourself. Swivel your eight eyeballs toward a grotesque masterpiece—this turban squash is green in the face and doesn’t mind showing you what it ate for dinner last night. Yuck! Don’t vomit in front of royalty! Or King

Carver Contest 2016: Death-eating Grin

Don’t get comfortable, you deadites! Lurch on over to the stage and feast your optical nerves upon this grinning turnip! Happy, are we? The purplish, wrinkled skin is punctuated by two empty sockets. What? Don’t believe me? Have a look…go on…if you dare! A depressed nose sinks above a toothless grin—go ahead and ask yourself

Carver Contest 2016: Extra Dimensional Cenobite Squash

Are you in the mood to get hooked? This cenobite squash from a hellish dimension will teach you the true meaning of pain, but you’ll probably lose a little skin. Three eyes and crowned with embedded nails—a glowing grimace will ensure recurring nightmares for all eternity.   Comment, like, and vote on this year’s Carver 2016

Carver Contest 2016: Demonic Pumpkin Cake

This is what happens when a demonic entity possesses a pumpkin cake! Say, “Happy Birthday!” to the spawn of Satan, but don’t get too close—this devilish delectable murders taste-buds and will possess you to eat the whole damn thing. Don’t lick his icing, either, unless of course, you like flesh and bloody sprinkles. Okay, who wants to blow

Pillow Talk

She impales a sapphire encrusted silver loop through her earlobe, and then glides red lipstick across puffy lips. Black stockings constrict a pair of pale legs while she perches on stilettos.   He’s already passed out. Half empty bottle on the nightstand…same infomercial that’s been on for the past hour…drool spills onto his shoulder, absorbing